post-drunken ramblings

by colleen:

My boss stopped by my desk (she's oblivious to everything... she has no iron in her body... sometimes she has a grey coloring, but not now, she went for her iron iv yesterday... yea, that's right)... my boss couldn't answer my question, so she called over the office manager... she couldn't figure it out so they had me call Kristine... I asked her what they told me to, and no conclusions... Kristine and I just sat on the phone breathing at each other, while Susan and Paula thought she was coming up with some more answers... so, nothing was happening (this is I'm sure when Paula saw that I had Internet explorer open to "Alumni News" on the bottom of my screen. They had me put Kristine on speaker phone. Nothing. Then my cube neighbor came by, and she tried to figure it out. So, it's me, Susan, Paula, Hind and Kristine on speaker. Hind is all switching screens and closing them out. I almost freaked out that PCHS was goign to pop up on the screen. Then everyone retreated up to Kristine's desk, and the problem was solved.

I almost got caught again by Paula when she stopped by my desk to make sure I was attending the holiday luncheon. To divert her attention I made loud awkward jokes. Kristine says she likes me. Paula doesn't like that many people, and she gets annoyed when people wear gym shoes, and she walks around to make sure everyone is in on time and not leaving before 5. She only hires men. If Paula says something to Susan about my internet time, Susan will request a website "history" from Douglas in IT. When it becomes apparent that I check my gmail 600 times a day it may come up that I could be sending confidential information to outside people. Someone's job will be to watch what I do on my computer for a day... like actually watch the screen. They will see that my only problem is that I have no work and I am addicted to my creepy friends and gmail, and I may be a drunk. No one will see me the same (they see me as a hard worker and good student, who is awkward... they got one right).

When it comes time for bonuses, they will say, "What about Colleen"... everyone will remember the whole "Alumni News" incident, and I'll end up with coal in my bank account. I'll never get a raise... they will never approve me for MBA classes (you need approval for money)... I will be stuck at this job until I get knocked up and realize that I'm really lucky to have it because I only have to show up 2 times a week and can breast pump in the filing room of my choice. My baby will be named Oliver Stankiewicz (no comment on how he got that last name, but I'll give you a hint... Mara is NOT the father). I will be alone because I can't find a man (no comment on how/why the Stankiewicz thing didn't work out... but it is certainly fitting). I can't find a man because I spend the day on gmail, and working on the PMS reports. My life becomes Oliver... that turns him into a raging homosexual. He goes to live with his father, and I am left with lots of cats. All of them will be named after people in local comercials. The first will be named Peter Francis Geraci II (and not two, the second... it will be formal). This cat thing will end my nightly conversations with Oliver, and the baby's Daddy, well... we won't get into that. Oliver's Aunt Mara (We won't have him call you that because it sounds silly... maybe Aunt Crazy) will stop talking to me via gmail because I creeped her out with the cat stories (yes, I said I creeped out MARA with cat talk... it had nothing to do with the fact that i am obsessed with her family, in fact... she liked it). I will desperatly try to relive my fondest memories, which unfortunately since I watched to much tv and have a poor memory only try to relive reruns of the Golden Girls... this creeps out the rest of the gmail crew, all but Megan until she realized that I needed her to be Dorothy. That was the last straw. I die 15 years later and am not discovered until a coworker needs to use my computer and they need the password. Cats started to eat my face, and when they do the autopsy they see I also started to eat the cats. TV specials are made and I become famous in death. Unfortunatly, I am in hell because I made 3 people transfer schools or drop out of school completely. I never get to enjoy my life.