Things you need to be told.

by mara:

I'm a big fan of the Etiquette Girls. Have you heard of them? They're these two gals who write "handbooks for Polite Behavior in a tacky, rude world!" The capitals are on purpose. They use capital letters for emphasis when they're writing, which most of the time not only emphasizes what they're saying but makes the paragraph even funnier. Anyway, I'm a big fan, and although I don't put all of their advice into practice, I respect their encouragement for people to hold themselves to a higher standard. If I had the time, money, and proper place to shop, I would wear only Adorable Skirts and Cashmere Twinsets like they suggest.

I've typed one of their paragraphs from the book below. It appears in the chapter entitled "Your Personal Appearance". This material is obviously copyrighted by the Etiquette Girls, Lesley Carlin and Honore McDonough Ervin. It's one I particularly enjoy for obvious reasons:

"The See You In Hell Look and How To Create It

Dinner with Your Ex-Boyfriend. The day you hand in your resignation. A wedding at which the Bride is Younger Than You, and you're still Single. For these occasions, there is only one dress code: See You In Hell.

See You In Hell is about looking better than any other Girl in the room. Achieving this takes about as much effort and advance planning as D day, but it is well worth the pains. You will need The Perfect Outfit, preferable one that's Striking (one cannot say See You In Hell in khakis and sneakers, ever), is Exceedingly Flattering, and has a bit of an edge to it (e.g., you should wear knee-high boots with Serious Heels; you should not wear ballet flats). For example,the Etiquette Grrls have said See You In Hell in a sleek, ankle-length dress by Betsey Johnson, and for another occasion, a grey beaded skirt worn with an ever-so-slightly sheer black boatneck top, black camisole, and tall black boots.

Accessories are equally important. You cannot, for example, be truly See You In Hell if you are carrying a beat-up old L.L. Bean knapsack. You need a very angular, take-no-prisoners, Little Black Bag. If you will be Seeing Someone In Hell in public, you should take great pains to Create An Entrance. A leopard coat, an excellent vintage necklace, a burgundy cashmere sleeveless top in the Dead of Winter (not all at once, please)--these are all workable pieces. Of course, you will have Perfectly Manicured Nails in a gutsy Urban Decay color; flawless skin, courtesy of a facial (which, naturally, you've had well before SYIH Day, to give any Unfortunate Reaction time to Go Away) or at least, very carefully applied makeup; and very, very good shoes. Also, one hour before the Big Event is not the time for a last-minute Highlight Fest at home in your bathroom with the Sun-In and the Hair Dryer. Visit your Usual Hairdresser for a good blow-out and, at most, a trim. If it's really worth a new See You In Hell Haircut, you should get the haircut at least a week in advance. This way, should it be hideous, you may try to have it remedied in another salon, or, in worse cases, you may cancel.

Basically, the impression you are attempting to convey is that you are a Flawless, Impeccably Dressed, Impossibly Hip, Badass Girl avec Perfect Hair and a Very, Very Cool Life. This will surely make whoever lays eyes on you extremely intimidated by your Very Presence and sorry for whatever wrongs they have done you. Of course, the See You In Hell look is Rather Time-Consuming and, thus, difficult to maintain for extended periods. Unless you are one of the Etiquette Girls, for whom See You In Hell is second nature."

So, while I may not be able to afford the Prada shoes, I can use the See You In Hell look. We all can--and we deserve it, My Dear Reader.