"Loveplay"

brought to you by mara

we all have to complain about our jobs from time to time, no matter how much we sometimes like them. i, for one, complain about not having enough to do when the clinic isn't busy. i've remedied this situation in numerous ways, as have my co-ladydenners who also have long periods of downtime. it's called "obsessive gmailing".

another thing i complain about is the rigidity of my hours. sure, everyone has a certain time they should be at work, but i hate having to swipe my ID card to "clock" in my time. it makes me feel like an animal. am i seriously being less productive if i'm a minute late? that's not to say i wouldn't push the start time if there were less stringent rules, but just knowing they're 'watching' me makes my desire to sleep in even stronger. this week has been especially bad, but i think that's because of my Newly Adopted Laziness. my gym has been ridiculously busy ever since everyone and their mother made working out more often their new year's resolution. where were they when i had a row of elliptical machines to myself? anyway, i fixed this problem by just not going anymore. it might be a less constructive solution than the gmailing, but err...i'll make it up in the summer...yeah...

but if i ever complained before, i certainly complain less now. why is that, you ask? because as of two weeks ago, i've become part of a sex clinic. i work as a sex-therapist-in-training from 5-10 monday evenings.

yes, that's right. sex therapy. i have a couple i am working with and a co-therapist. it's a dream, really. we all get along smashingly, and i've really started looking forward to my weekly sessions. so far, we've done a physical exam and gone over their sexual histories. in addition, they have weekly homework assignments called 'sensate focus' that involve non-gential touching. next week, we take them on what's called 'the fantastic voyage' through their bodies, show them a video of a woman from the '70s masturbating, and do some gestalt therapy (imagine your 'relationship' is in the chair, now tell it how you feel). you can bet i'm going to put a lot of things in the chair! their relationship, the ex-wife, vibrators, george bush.

you can imagine after five hours straight of sexual discussion how things have gotten in my own bedroom! oh, wait. i am going to go cry now...and then maybe put 'lack of action' in the chair.

me: why do you keep avoiding me? i've been so open to you in the past.
the chair a.k.a. my lack of action: i think you've abused your privileges
me: what? what does that even mean?
t.c. a.k.a. m.l.a.: i...i don't know.

Kids' Korner

brought to you by daina




I teach little 7-10 yr old French kids English. Sometimes, dealing with the little bastards pays off. Consider the following materials I've collected for The Lady Den.

I stole this first piece of work from Kevin (real name), a ten year old alpha male. Kevin's a bit of a trouble maker, which would explain the drug references decorating his English nametag. Notice particularly his reference to marijuana.

I stole this second specimen from a 9 yr.-old boy who chose "Lance" as his English name. The note consists of a back-and-forth dialogue between him and his girlfriend, who I later discovered is a cute little number named "Sarah."
Translation:
'I love you very very very very strongly to infinity, my love.'
'I love you with all my heart.'
'Do you want to mary me? yes or no' [yes is circled]
'With all my heart, with pleasure'
'You are the most beautiful girl in the world, big kisses'
(back side, not shown)
'You said if I wanted to get married to you, you love of my life'

Working 9-5, what a way to make a livin'

The Lady Den has been very busy! Our respective workplaces have been demanding much of us lately as have been our general lives! This has obviously led to a standstill in the upkeeping of this blog. While we prepare to 'wow' you with new entries, we'll leave you with some of our favorite things, just in case you waste time at work, which we, of course, never ever do!!

websites:

http://www.gapersblock.com/fuel/archives/anonymous_secrets/

http://www.gather.com

http://www.myspace.com

http://www.postsecret.com

http://joemoritz.blogspot.com

http://chicago.craigslist.org

http://santinorice.com

Pictures:


megan and colleen love puppies.


mara loves santino (and if you don't know who he is, she doesn't love you)


katie loves jim and wants him to come work in 'her department', that is, in Suite BJ.

Thursday afternoon thoughts

by colleen o'd m.

Ok, so do we all remember a time when we didn't have jobs and went to class for a limited period of time and would spend afternoons in our pjs watching MTV reruns or E! True Hollywood stories? I certainly do. When I first started working I was happy not to have that depressing down time that only reminds me that I will never have as much money as Paris Hilton and probably spend to much time analysing nobodies on the Real World.

However, the opposite is true. I still watch the Real World and am hoping for a spin off involving Danny and Melinda's codependency train wreck of a marriage, or at least the wedding stuff. I still won't have as much money as Paris Hilton... and now I work for money, so it's more depressing. I don't like to call my friends when I am under any sort of pressure, so I would disappear for weeks at a time during finals. It initially stopped when I started working, but the problem now... I have NOTHING to talk about. I'm alone at my desk for so long every day. I can read the news, and read emails from the Lady Den girls, and have the occasional giggle or make the occasional observation. With time it is just getting worse and worse. Pretty soon I'll be that person that can only make work related jokes. Like, ole JP Morgan at it again... none of my friends will know what that means (I don't know what that means). And I'm supposed to find a man with this personality? Yeah, that's not happening... so, now I'm going to be single forever... I don't even have the chance to have kids to talk about. It wouldn't even be as bad if I was the "Little Timmy ate a whole bowl of cereal today using his fingers". I don't even have that to look forward to talking about. I think we can all safely say that every office has that one person who eats, sleeps and dreams their jobs. Do you think it is because they really love it, or they just ran out of other stuff to do?